Essentials of Human Relations
We, human beings, the most intelligent social specie on planet Earth, are mutually interdependent for our sustenance and flourishing. Since many centuries, we have successfully managed to explore, adapt and thrive together in different places in remarkable new ways with endless possibilities. The success of our civilization is not only based on our aspect of intelligence else it also has something to do with our internal emotional side ‐ the so-called 'Soft Side'. Though we are smart and capable enough to think right, react appropriately and orient swiftly surprisingly, we are not always driven by our intellect. Often our emotions drive us more than our logic, and that's what make us special. So, it would be correct to call ourselves, 'Emotional Intelligent Social Beings.'
Image credits © Gaurav Akrani.
What is an emotion? It is a subtle natural force of a gradual or sudden upsurge of either mild or intense feelings. It arouses in the psyche of living organisms (e.g. Humans, animals, and even plants) from time to time. It affects them mentally, physically and spiritually as a result of certain factors or events (know as Emotional Trigger Points) occurring intentionally or unintentionally in their surroundings while experiencing the journey of their lives.
In the context of negative emotional states, emotion is an intangible 'Check-Safety-React-Defend' (CSRD) mechanism. It is inbuilt in living organisms by unseen yet operating natural forces to spark or excite those intense feelings that are necessary to compel organisms to take appropriate decisions, actions or choose specific behaviors. This triggers during certain events or situations when their survival, existence, growth, self-respect, ego, status, and progress is at risk of coming to an end or getting hurt, maligned or hindered.
Emotions are essential to maintaining overall safety, survival-ability, good health, growth potential, prospect of existence and defensive attitude of living organisms (human beings and animals) against their challenging and harsh environmental factors. Without its role at work, the activeness of life would rather seem dull, non-energetic and less viable.
Each emotion is unique in itself. Every living organism experience and expresses it in different ways (styles) with a high degree of variance (more or less intense) and precision.
Emotional force is powerful enough to trigger us to react, act, perform or surrender in many unimaginable ways. It governs most of our thought processes and, as a result, takes a heavy toll on our attitude, behavior, actions, responses, and personality. It is capable of moving us either towards philanthropy or misanthropy. Its positive or negative influence can make or even break our relationships with others. It is too strong to control, very crucial not to ignore and also difficult to forget.
We are not only affected by our internal emotional states, but also of those around us. Emotions affect us daily, and we regularly experience them directly or indirectly in our lives. They evoke us, and we rarely take a conscious note of their powerful active force at work. They have an impact on our perceptual ability and can even shape our decisions to a great extent.
Common types of emotions with examples:
Image credits © Gaurav Akrani.
- Inspiration: After watching an inspiring film you got highly motivated and encouraged to give your best to achieve an important goal of your life.
- Grief: You read or listen to a tragic story, and tears automatically roll down your face, which seems pretty hard to control.
- Joy: Retrospection of a funny moment of your life's past events makes you feel glad; you laugh and cheer instantly.
- Anxiety: A childhood trauma seems to haunt you even today for no apparent reason, have created in you a long-term fear or phobia against something.
- Embarrassment: Assume, you have a physical condition (e.g. A chronic acne), and you avoid getting social and prefer seclusion until recovery.
- De-motivation: A challenging boss humiliates you in front of coworkers for others' mistakes; this lowers your confidence and motivation.
- Rejection: You express your sincere feelings to someone you love or have a crush on, and that person rejects your proposal.
- Depression: You found your soul mate or spouse is having an affair with someone else breaks your heart.
- Tranquility: You visit a countryside area and feel deeply mesmerized by its serene natural beauty and pristine environment.
- Fear: A stranger giving you a suspicious look makes you feel uncomfortable and this alert your senses.
- Happiness: A pleasant face with a beautiful smile makes you feel welcome, at peace and friendship.
- Appreciation: A pat on the back or a mere 'Congratulation' makes you feel appreciated by others. It raises your morale, and you feel good about yourself.
- Sympathy: You see an injured animal, and soon your compassionate nature makes you do something to alleviate the misery of the sufferer.
- Anger: Assume, you are in stress and returning home during evening rush hours. As you are walking in a hurry, a stranger accidentally bumps you. Then you quickly lose temper and hit him back starting a brawl, violent fight and making an annoying scene of rage for passing by onlookers.
- Love: Loving bond between a mother and her child compels her to nurture her kid to the best of her abilities by overcoming all odds.
Subtle emotional states like these play their crucial roles and regularly keep affecting us and shape our lives.
Have you ever wondered why sometimes it gets nearly impossible for you to adjust to a company of certain people? You prefer avoiding them, but somehow are compelled to face them for your apparent reasons. While interacting, you quickly notice their attitude, tones of voice and body language are not as friendly as you expect, and this makes you feel upset and uncomfortable. Now you instantly plan to find a good excuse to break the ongoing interaction and escape from the conversational scene as early as you can. Once you come out in a safe zone, you presume these people are too difficult to handle by almost anybody; so it's better to avoid them rather than to confront. Later, you may even conclude; arrogant people like these are creating ample problems for you to suffer. That's the reason it is very hard for you to fit in and tackle such social groups. Finally, you give up, and the relationship between you and those people never develops in an active manner else declines gradually day by day until lost entirely.
So, why scenarios like this happen and sadly, even repeat itself multiple times in our lives? Whom to be blame? Is it, the situation or the people? The answer is none; neither one of them. If it is not so, then who is mainly responsible for this? Sorry to say, but here is the answer, it's you. Yes! 'YOU.' Why is it so? Let me justify this for you.
Let's focus and analyze separately some essentials of human relations. These are, a situation, people and you:
- Situation: No matter how well we try to make a perfect plan and make prior arrangements, we cannot always guarantee that the case will go properly in our favor. The possibility of uncertainty exists and somehow creeps in unexpectedly. No one controls it, and nobody can assure at least 100% that everything will go as per what is planned or pre-decided. For this reason, fully controlling any situation is out of our scope, capacity and strength. However, whatever the situation may be, by remaining open, flexible and adaptive to the varying factors and events we can at least adjust and endeavor to succeed at our will and capability. So, it is always better to adapt and synchronize smartly rather than struggle and to avoid in case of a changing situation.
- People: Individually, we all are unique in this universe. In fact, we are dynamic entities of creation. Our personalities are synchronized and shape with ongoing events and changes. That happens in our thought process, rationality, wisdom, viewpoints, prejudices, beliefs, faiths, attitudes, education, experiences, environment, laws, so on. We truly are an outcome of what we want to be and not what others want us to be. People don't change the way others want them to reform, even though, such a transformation may benefit them most. It's often seen everybody has a plan at work. Sometimes their ego and suspicion also hinder such a change. Notions like, “Don't teach me, I'm not dumb and better than you; You're wrong, and I am always correct” makes them more resilient and hard to alter. Here, I am not saying that people never change. Else, what I want to stress is that it takes great efforts and lots of energy and resources, continuous multiple attempts and ample amount of productive time to see even a slightest change happening in them. It is worth investing such a high energy and time only in those attempts in which good outcomes or returns are possible. Conversely, investing more energy in worthless actions with lower potential gains should be avoided. Hence, it is up to the people, whether to transform their lives or resist and remain satisfied with their status quo.
- You: In reality, it's 'YOU' and nobody else that controls and governs you internally. If you are determined enough to see a positive change in yourself regardless of almost anything, then you can make that change happen no matter what the situation is or how people look down on you. However, if you have decided to remain static, you will never see even a slightest possible change in yourself regardless of how the world transforms around you. In short, you are the Lord of your destiny and creator of a universe around you. Hence, you can change if you want, but must take necessary actions to see such a change. So, think about, “Why not come forward, take a lead and change positively in your life for your growth, development, and prosperity?”
From this discussion, we learned five essentials of human relations:
Image credits © Gaurav Akrani.
- We all humans are emotional, intelligent and social beings.
- Emotion is a subtle natural force of a gradual or sudden upsurge of either mild or strong feelings aroused in the psyche of living organisms.
- The situation cannot be entirely controlled. Uncertainty exists and sometimes creeps in unexpectedly.
- People don't change (quickly) just because someone wants them to change.
- Never expect the situation, nor people to change for you. It is you who can change, adapt and adjust to them and not the other way around.
So, now you know, why I said, “You are responsible.” It's you who can be that 'Great Change' and make any worst situation or frustrating scenario quite suitable in your favor. How is this possible? You can equip and wisely use human relation skills to adapt and react tactfully with smart diplomacy and wit. You will win, and others will never realize they got defeated. Isn't that a great win-win situation?
I apologize for making you go through such a lengthy explanation. Well, I know it took your precious time or maybe was boring, but I think it was quite necessary for your benefit in a long run. I want my readers, especially students, to have a good grip, better clarity and firm foundation of above essentials. These are required to master and apply human relation skills with ease; in their real life, whether at the workplace, social events or even in their personal lives. If used wisely, regularly applied and thus mastered gradually; it can for sure dramatically enhance the quality of your life.